I get it. Positivity is sought after. Everybody wants it. If I asked if you wanted to be a "Positive Polly" or a "Negative Nancy" for the rest of your life, I think I know which one you'd prefer. (Though I'd like to suggest that you pick secret option C, "Fluctuating Felicia", which would instead mean your emotions are regulated and you are sometimes positive and sometimes negative and hanging out somewhere in the middle most times.) We're all sitting around, feeling the pressure to have and produce "only" good vibes, wondering why all said vibes are not, in fact, "good", and then feeling bad about not being perpetually positive. I'm about to lay down some truth for you. You ready? It is absolutely pointless and ridiculous to think you can exist in a state of ONLY good vibes. NOBODY, and I do mean NOBODY, exists in a perpetual state of positivity.
And you know how it kind of pisses you off a bit when that girl on Instagram is ALWAYS happy about EVERYTHING? Even though you want to air on the side of positive? Even though you know having a "positive mindset" is good and healthy and ideal? Even though in a perfect world, you'd love to exist in a state of rainbows and sunshine and avoid all the inconvenient thunderstorms? That's because perpetual positivity is not real. And it's like, kinda annoying when somebody tries to convey that it's possible to always be positive, all the time. Sometimes it's motivating to see positivity; to kick you out of a funk or to adjust your unwarranted poor attitude. OKAY. Thanks for the reminder Becky. But PS, Becks, the illusion that you NEVER struggle, have a negative attitude, or experience difficult times it isn't really helping anyone, it's making it seem like there's something wrong with us for not being happy-go-lucky 100% of our lives. MMMKAY? Expending "good vibes" out to the world is not humanly possible 24/7. There, I said it. It's a form of toxic positivity. Let's be realistic, here. There's good, bad, and between in this life. I am generally an optimistic, positive person. But I experience low-vibe shit on the reg. My guess is you do too - right? You're probably mostly optimistic, but then somebody (who shall remain nameless, but who is likely small in stature) makes you ask them to put their shoes on SIX HUNDRED TIMES, and it makes you a *teensy* little bit frustrated and annoyed. Those feelings hang out down there in the "low vibe" section. And that's okay. There's nothing "wrong" with those feelings. They're part of life. You can (and will) visit low-vibe-island regularly, you just don't wanna LIVE there, ideally. As tempting as that island can be. Additionally, it is also humanly IMpossible to RECEIVE "good vibes" from others at all times. I often see this phrase (#goodvibesonly) used in a way that suggests the speaker is capable of avoiding "bad" vibes from other people. "In the zone, doing me, nobody gon' cramp MY style! #GOODVIBESONLY!" "Working hard at my goals! #goodvibesonly" "I'm done dealing with negative people! #GOODVIBESONLY" Well, Susan, I have something to say. *raises hand*
You absolutely CANNOT perpetuate the lie that there are only good vibes available to absorb. We live in a world with, like, a kajillion people. And you know what all those kajillion people all have in common? There's one glaringly obvious connection that they ALL have. You can't control them. And they are going to experience and radiate ALL KINDS of different vibes. Not just good or bad ones. In fact, I can actually PROVE this because there's an entire SCALE of emotions and vibrations, and it's called the "Hawkins Scale". I've borrowed a portion of the below graphic from Intuitive Leadership Mastery because it explains it in detail, visually, FAR better than I could ever explain. (Plus, it isn't my concept, so you can find more detail about it at intuitiveleadershipmastery.com)
There are a multitude of different "vibes" a person can experience. Some are HIGH, and f*cking AWESOME. I'd much rather live there, at least more often anyway. You too, right? But the reality is, there are also plenty of LOW VIBE emotions that we experience, and the fact of the matter is: IT'S OKAY TO EXPERIENCE SOME OF THESE LOW-ASS VIBES! It's part of your human experience to F E E L different emotions, acknowledge them, and respect them. It's one thing to live in a low-vibe state forever and always; if that's the case, you may have some other things that require attention and focus, so that you aren't living there non-stop. That's no fun. Dig deep, speak to a therapist or counsellor, and work on moving through that. But there is no one, and I mean NO FREAKING ONE, who is ALWAYS at the peak, high-vibe, "enlightenment/peace/joy/happiness" state ALL THE DAMN TIME. You can quote me on that. Even mother nature has both sunny days and thunderstorms. It's the most poignant reminder that in order to appreciate the sunshine more, you must experience the rain. 🔄Commencing obligatory "point proving" nature metaphors: Flowers cannot grow with both BOTH rain and sun. Our lives will always consist of a real-life DAY vs. NIGHT algorithm. You can't see the starts without the darkness. And you, my dear friend, are like a flower in this thing we call life. Experiencing and soaking in as much sun as possible, but there's bound to be a bit of rain and storms that will be difficult but necessary for your growth. The other important piece of this is that often these "good vibes only" suggestions are made under the false pretence that you can somehow manage and control the vibes coming at you from OTHER PEOPLE. You cannot control how other people act around you. You cannot control what kind of energy others bring towards you. You cannot control someone else's negativity (or positivity, for that matter). You cannot control someone else's annoying temper tantrums. Ever. The only thing you can control, is YOU. So, you might be declaring to the world that your individual "bubble" is a #goodvibesonly zone, but you can't help that Martha comes into the room, all up in your grill, popping your proverbial bubble with all her bullshit daggers of negativity. And you can't just decide you're "done with negative people", dust your hands off, and think that you'll be able to somehow avoid people who are low vibe and therefore, bad vibe. Nerp. That's not how life works. So, my point in all this, is... 1. Other vibes exist outside of the "good" ones. There's nothing inherently wrong with they other types of vibes, besides the fact that "low" ones don't feel as good as "high" ones. But there's nothing wrong with you experiencing the low ones to round out the goal of living in the high ones. You are normal. It's okay. #GOODVIBESONLY is an impossible crock to try to live up to. Don't sweat it. It's more like #MostlyNeutralVibesButSometimesTheyAreHighAndSometimesTheyAreLowAndImOkayWithIt 🤣 It's not as catchy, though. 2. You never have control over how someone else shows up. They may very well be cramping the f*ck out of your high-vibe style, but you can't avoid them altogether. So? Practice being able to manage yourself around these people, and if you're vibin' high, try to communicate that to them and maybe just take some space if you can. Additionally, if YOU are experiencing some low-vibe shit, respect and acknowledge that not everybody else is experiencing that misery alongside you, so don't try to pull Karen down with you if you are. Maybe write that shit in your journal or something. Feel it. Respect it. Then let it go. For more on this, you can check out Episode 104 of The Momfidence Podcast, where I delve even deeper into energy, vibrations, and operating in, through, above, below, and beyond "good" vibes. HAVE A GREAT NEUTRAL DAY! XO Courtney